"Nowhere, I just am asking." I try to change the subject. "You think that Teddy harmed Shelly?" I ask him. "I think something is going on there. She is very quiet about him." I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. I kiss Nick on the lips and slide down under the covers. "Goodnight." "Goodnight sweetie." We kiss and I drift off to sleep. I start to dream, I am dreaming about the clerk at the store and the things we talking about. I start to dream that he has me tied to that pole and comes towards me with a bullwhip. I hear it snap close to my ear. I hear him laugh the worst wicked laugh I have ever heard in my life. It felt like it was from the devil himself. I can feel his hot breath on the back of my neck as I struggle to get free. This is what you want. He whispers in my ear. I don't want to be there anymore, I try to say the safe word to make him stop. I can't get myself to say it. I discover I am gagged and I try the safe sign, but I cannot remember what it is. I roll around. "It's not that, it's......"The girls all laughed."Did he kiss you?" Yes." French kiss?" Yes." Did you kiss him back, stick your tongue in his mouth?" I didn't want to." But you did?" Yes, Mary was watching and I knew I had to do it or she would have gottenangry." So you only kissed the one boy?" No, I kissed all the boys there." Why?" Well they turned off the CD player and we played Spin the Bottle." How old were these kids at the party?" 13 and 14." And how old was Jared?" 13." So you were kissing 13 and 14 year old obys?" Yes."By now my tears were flowing freely as I relived my intense shame."I had no choice. Everyone thought I was a girl and Mary would have beenreally angry with me if they found out I was a boy." How did you lose your virginity?" I didn't really. At least not in that way." In what way?" After we played the game everyone kind of split up into couples and foundsome place private to make out." You coupled up with Jared?" Yes." Go on!" Well, he was putting his hand.
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